The Art of Small Simple Shifts and the Power of Choice

Directions, Journeying
photo of trees during fall
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

In Nia we often remind our students that when they feel pain or a lack of joy or don’t feel in the groove as they dance to simply make a small shift with one movement. It is amazing how one small movement shift can completely change the dance. Never underestimate the power in the small simple shifts.   

Sometimes change chooses us and sometimes we choose change. I’ve noticed that the shift begins either through my awareness and a choice or suddenly life obliges me to change, the weather shifts, the music changes. When the need for change arises, I might find my groove again with only a small shift while at other times a complete change of direction is in order. And in both cases, each truly begins with a small shift, a small step, and a choice. 

Choosing to shift hasn’t been easy and I have often been blind that I needed a change long after signs were visible. The signs “it’s time to change” in life are much like those I’ve found on the dance floor – discomfort, pain, lack of joy, something feels off, recognizing my vision has been off, or simply feeling stuck and stagnant. Noticing the signs calling for a shift is where change begins. 

So why at times is it hard to change? I’ve been reflecting on how our relationship/perception of change is what makes change hard not the change itself. 

Truthfully we and the world around us are always changing. The seasons bring change. The sun rising and setting each day brings change. We change out the oxygen in our bodies with every breath. The human body’s cells regenerate on average every 7-10 years. We change in some way with every experience we learn from. And each of these changes starts with some small shift.  The autumn tree doesn’t suddenly lose all its leaves at once it simply begins with one.

I’ve been surprised how often in my life the need for a shift, a change, has appeared. Although I have heard often Heraclitus’ quote ‘The only constant in life is change”, I don’t feel like I was raised to find ordinary in change and how to navigate it, how to choose it, how to make small simple shifts when things weren’t working. 

Navigating life has not been linear. As I entered my first job out of college if you had shown me a preview of where I am today I would have been in disbelief and surprise. Along this journey, there have been so many twists and turns I could not have predicted.  Throughout I have had to change my mindset, my habits, perspectives, focus, environment, company, goals, rhythm, skills, and even direction. With each small and big change that came my way I found my way forward and I also notice there have been some consistent threads.  

I am reminded of Robert Fritz’s work on the Path of Least Resistance and the importance of choice. He outlines three types of choices fundamental, primary, and secondary. Fundamental choices are related to orientation, an organizing force from which we can then align our primary and secondary choices. Clarifying the fundamental choices that orient us is essential for us to find our way and find joy when we shift, even if we discover that the shift we choose wasn’t supporting our fundamental choice. Sometimes we do have to discover what doesn’t work to find what does. 

A dear friend and I spent a year exploring different time management and goal-setting systems. We would make these elaborate plans and schedules for the week. Implementing our schedules didn’t result in what we had planned. Life would happen and suddenly we had no wifi for days or access to the studio due to some environmental issue. We would begin to work on a project and learn something new that would change the outcome we had envisioned. The most significant thing we learned from these explorations was recognizing that we could not fully foresee the journey and the importance of shifting and adjusting along the way. 

The journey itself teaches us where to go and helps us recognize where we are headed. We can’t predict everything that will arise; our work is to be present and make the necessary shifts when needed. Regardless if we make conscious choices, our journey ahead will be filled with change. But if we decide and choose intentionally where we would like to go, we can sense how to shift and adjust to stay on track.

I think many of us relate to change as uncomfortable as we enter uncharted waters, feeling a bit out of control, at the mercy of what is coming ahead, and overwhelmed with the work ahead. In addition with change, we often have had to let go of something and sometimes we aren’t ready to do t,hat. I remember when my eldest daughter was 3 months old I found myself grieving that she was no longer 6 weeks old and didn’t simply fit in my arms the way she had. Sometimes we miss the warm summer sun as we head into winter.  This too is part of change.

Making a change does take effort and big changes often take time. When I decided to move to Arizona, it took me four months before I finally arrived. There were so many steps to make this shift in my life and although at times it felt overwhelming, I simply started down the path one step at a time. If you stay rooted in your foundational choices, you find the clarity and inspiration to move forward. So, start by noticing what is needed now and be willing to shift and take one step forward, one step at a time.  

You don’t need confidence to move forward.  I remember when I bought my first house. I was very clear I wanted to purchase the house, everything about it felt right. At the same time, I was a bit scared and questioning if I was going to be able to do this. Every day I simply followed the path with each small step forward. I submitted the forms I needed, made the calls, answered the questions and then I found myself sitting with my realtor in Denny’s signing the paperwork. Only at that moment did I truly feel confident that I was going to own this house.

Don’t be overwhelmed with making the perfect move or what the next step is after that one. The full path ahead of me is rarely obvious when I make a choice. You might even find yourself feeling stuck. Simply start as one of my students used to say by just choosing to move and shift something right now. Start close with something simple and aligned to embrace, and let it guide you. Make a phone call, register for a class, look at the home listings, make a list, ask a question, or even take a moment to consciously breathe.  There is power in shifting and moving.

When I reflect on times, I’ve lost my way and have needed to change my direction, I either took a wrong turn, learned something or had an experience that clarified where I wanted to go, or I lost focus on what was most important to me. I think these can also relate to why we often don’t embrace change. We need clarity and excitement to feel all the discomfort of changing, to face all the work, and to still make the choices and shifts to head towards what we desire. If I am choosing to be healthy and recognize that when I workout before my workday I am more balanced and available for my day, it feels exciting to change my schedule around to wake up early to get my workout in before work. The schedule shift feels supportive. Although tired at times as I wake at dawn, I simply remember what I am really choosing.

I hope you can find comfort in our need to change and be willing to make the small shift. Remember change is in our nature and fortunately we can navigate with our choices and dance through life. Find ease, power and joy in your dance and embrace the need for a small simple shift when it arises. 

We can relax here in everyday living

Journeying

Several years ago, a good friend came through town and we sat up late into the night talking and laughing about our life experiences. The topic arose on the challenge of always feeling like we are working towards some static state of life that never arrives. This future state where everything is as it should be and where we could finally relax was fleeting.

As a mom, I have longed for a tidy house and to find some future where all the work to clean the dishes and pans had some outcome that is not a temporal moment of satisfaction. There was a disconnect between what I was longing for and the reality of my life. I would clean up the kitchen, it would be clean for an hour and then another meal or a baking adventure would quickly fill the space with dishes, spills, and more work to tidy up.

Truthfully, I love a home-cooked meal, and that my daughters bless us with sweet baking treats and even an occasional dinner. I prefer to see the kitchen in use than cleaned up and what a blessing that my girls are at an age where I don’t have to make every meal and snack they want.

At the same time waking up to a tidy kitchen feels so good.  Starting the morning with the spaciousness of a tidy kitchen gives me a sense of ease and rest. Not to mention there is something to be said for the joy of having a clean work area to begin a project from and knowing where things are when you need them.

The experience and apparent separation of navigating the reality and joys of these different states felt like clues to what was at the root of this feeling we were describing, this feeling of working towards some static state that never arrives where we could finally relax.  

I found it so interesting that my friend, who was not a parent, was also experiencing this underlying feeling although in different areas of his life mostly his business and navigating simply settling down in his life. This unsettled feeling was prevalent across so many aspects of our lives, work, home, relationships, parenting, friendships, and health and we were not alone in how we felt.  

We began to reflect on how so many tv shows and movies we grew up on didn’t show the messy living room, the consistent attention needed to sustain and support your business, and the years of being in a relationship after the happy ever after wedding. There was always an endpoint where things were resolved and settled, a final state.

Not to mention all the product marketing, and business consulting suggesting to us that with their help we will get “there”. And then the focus on ‘once I retire’. All these messages promise us that there is a point somewhere in the future where we would arrive and we can then relax.

Here is the funny thing there is no such destination. There is simply living. Yes, in life you can reach a goal, have the kitchen clean, reach a peak in your fitness, find the love of your life, and then life continues, and thank goodness it’s not a final state.

There is always a task to complete, a meal to prepare, a mess to clean, a house to sell, the garden to water, a job offer to consider, phone calls to make, bills to pay, miscommunications to navigate, tournaments to play, unexpected expenses to adjust to, challenges to face, songs to sing, employees to say goodbye to, technology to learn, successes to celebrate, belly laughs at the dinner table, babys to welcome, friends to grieve and time for sleep. We plan, prioritize, wonder, assess, worry, grieve, and celebrate.  

Here we can relax, simply living, taking care of life, never static and always shifting. Relax is a state not the result of a destination. Now we can relax in our everyday lives and enjoy it. Notice your rhythm, purpose, your values, your needs, and desires. Engage in work and service, play often and do the things you love. Care for your home, your body, your relationships, your job, and your community. Recognize the chapters, cycles, peaks, dips, and plateaus.

Remove the lens of a final destination, set your direction and goals ahead, settle into the cycles of life, recognize and celebrate milestones, take the time to rest, do the maintenance work, and enjoy the seasons as they arrive. Keep training after the race and clean the kitchen mess, enjoy the tidiness, and welcome the next baking adventure. It’s all worth it.  We can relax here.   

Today in our house another cycle begins, a new day, a new school year, and loads of freshly washed clothes at least for the moment.